February 2012
5 posts
1 tag
1 tag
October 2011
1 post
I did it, and i feel extremely proud of myself. i typed out my journal entry from a few months ago and it feels great to get it off of my chest. my thoughts and pain are now distant and blurry as i move on with my life.
my head is throbbing without pain. my lungs can’t soak in enough air and i find myself gasping and my chest contracting. my hands shake with false anticipation. my face is...
September 2011
8 posts
i’m strongly debating posting the last excerpt. its extremely personal and it contains some of my darkest thoughts in my roughest times. i know I need to let it go, but its something i’ve never told anyone about.
a dark place.
my body is shuddering and my throat is searing and the music in my ear is never loud enough. it is cutting me open and exposing the ugly demons that accumulate inside my head and suddenly i’m ashamed of myself. it is a disgusting mess and i can’t stand to be with myself anymore, I want to crawl out of my skin and nothing I do can fix it.
dinnertime.
I feel like a robot. I feel the more neutrality in my personality and demeanor, the more I go undetected. questions answered with a head shake or nod, the occasional “okay”. never elaborating past the question “milk or water?”. I avoid questioning, contact of any sort. I don’t want to deal with this anymore.
i'll be posting some excerpts from my journal.
some are old, some are recent. things that I just need to get off my chest.
24th - shopping for my homecoming dress
30th - homecoming game
1st - homecoming dance at my old school
7th - homecoming dance at my current school
really excited to see my friends at my old school. especially Chelsey, who i’ve been friends with since 4th grade. I haven’t seen her in two years because her parents are crazy strict and won’t let her go to friend’s houses...
I really don’t want to go back to school on Tuesday. Just thinking about it is making me want to throw up.
August 2011
20 posts
2 tags
1 tag
“At such a time it seems natural and good to me to ask myself these questions:...”
– Steinbeck’s East of Eden. Page 132 (via julieshuler)
i’m dreading this school year starting more than I have ever dreaded anything in my life. I miss my old school SO much, and last year was so terrible because I didn’t have any close friends, and I became depressed. Everything would be so much better if I transferred back.
1 tag
